I cry when I am tired or need something to eat. I also cry when things are amazing, all aligned in the world. Basically, I’m a person who’s pretty open to feelings. Despite the predictability of all the tears, my two sons still get concerned when they hear or see me cry. They’re seven and ten now, a bit young for heavy topics unless you happen to live with these short people. Then you realize seven and ten are practically men a good portion of the time. (more…)
Editor’s note from Glenn Holsten:
A few months ago, Lauren Dicair submitted an essay about her life to OC87 Recovery Diaries. I was stunned by her story — it contained tremendously sad details of a traumatic childhood that was followed by years of wrestling with mental health issues. I was also impressed by her resilience — the writer who had weathered so many emotional and physical storms was able to tell her story with quiet determination and thoughtful reflection.
I spent the first 25 years of my life in a world seemingly devoid of any hope.
I knew I was gay since I was 4 years old. Growing up in a conservative Korean household made me spiral into depression at a young age. I felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.
I was so scared of letting that secret out that I went selectively mute. I stopped talking at school and home. I would go weeks without uttering a single word to anyone. I would only speak to my parents if I needed anything.
I was depressed and lonely. So much so that when I was eight years old, I made a promise to myself that I would commit suicide once I graduated from college. (more…)